Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
