I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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