my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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