so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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