TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
