i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
