I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
