just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
