Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
