my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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