I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize