dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
