friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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