Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
