You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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