my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
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