Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
