Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
