where does the pee come out of this thing
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
