If i come over, it means nothing
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
