I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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