What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
