rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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