'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
