Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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