he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
