wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
