you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
