I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
