so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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