I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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