At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
