Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
