In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
