Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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