i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
