all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
