TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
