Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
