I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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