So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I want to fling myself into the sun
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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