I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
