it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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