The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
