just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
