That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
