I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
