So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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