If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
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