OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
