Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
