Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize