you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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