I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
