I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
