I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
