If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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