Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
