You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
