CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
