Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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