I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
