Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
