I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
