this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize