This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
